"Why is it so hard to find someone in a group of so many men to get to know and maybe have a relationship with and get together. Seems like everyone does not have a good profile or something is wrong in their lives. I am looking and hoping someday." Taken from a posted comment on a Yahoo poz gay men group. It is not the first time I have seen this question and comments like this posted on the Internet.
"…or something is wrong in their lives." Maybe so then again maybe not. We all need a place at times to vent and air our frustrations. Sometimes when we do this others respond back with comments that may help us deal with those frustrations.
"Why is it so hard to find someone in a group of so many men to get to know…" The 1st thing is to look at yourself or your own profile and see if you are expecting things from others you aren’t doing yourself. If your expectations are genuine then those people who are not filling out their profiles or contacting you are not people you want contacting you anyway. Putting out a question or comment to others in a group is great.
Several guys within that group took the time to reach out to you by replying to your post but when you cannot take a few minutes to acknowledge their posts with even a simple THANK YOU, or fail to respond to those who comment privately to you when you ask for help, it sends negative signals out to others that you really may not be interested at all.
And it is bad manners.
"Seems like everyone does not have a good profile…" Many HIV gay men often find it frustrating when searching the Internet for a mate. Cracking the profile codes we see on online sites can be overwhelming to some but they don't have to be. Some HIV gay men don't always take advantage of the new technology that we now have before us. The interactive applications and features are tools that can work for you only if you use them and are willing to share of yourself. If you are looking for a partner and new friends, small poz gay men social communities such as this one and others like it are good places to look. Going off the beaten path has advantages.
"…and maybe have a relationship with and get together." Regardless of where you look you have to put yourself out there by actively participating in local events and causes, not just going or giving to them. On the Internet getting involved in discussions is a good start. Sharing your experiences, feelings, opinions and thoughts with others. Then those who have like interests or thoughts, and those who may disagree with you, will notice you. Either way a door opens to a potential possibility of a new friendship or intimate relationship.
"I am looking and hoping someday." Many out there are looking for change. It starts with you.
If you are looking for an LTR but your posts, profiling and comments are sexually oriented then chances are, you are attracting only those who are interested in sex, casual encounters or just IM chatting.
Try not to look so hard, just be out there and be yourself. People sometimes who look "too hard" tend to overlook and NOT see others who could very well be suited to you are looking for.
Put yourself out there on a handful of social networks and use different main profile photos of yourself on each one. Many gay men dating and social networks have extended profile text input areas and other enhanced features allowing people to blog, share photos, and open forums. Just parking a profile on sites does not cut it these days. Those looking for LTRs do often participate in varying degrees and look closely at others who do likewise. Gay single men who don't login very often are missing out on being contacted. Most online social networks and dating web sites will show the number of days it has been since you last logged in to your account. This lets others know how serious you are on wanting to start dating online. If you only login every 3 weeks to have a look at your messages I doubt you'll have any.
Logging in more often lets the dating service know that you're serious about finding someone else to date online. You will get rewarded when they show your profile nearer the top of the search results, and occasionally on the homepage of the dating service.
Being active by using these tools does increase your chances of success. It may not be immediate but what it does is allow others to get to know you, who you are and how you think.
The choices are yours to make, the tools are new and may be a bit difficult to use at first. As technology changes we do have to take the time to learn new ways if we want succeed in our endeavors, whether they be for personal use or professional use.
“The greatest gift one can give is the purity of one’s time and attention.” Richard Moss
Here's a edited collection of articles I have found on the internet about online dating and mate hunting. DINGO
A picture is worth a thousand words... Photos, of course, are an easy way to gauge how attracted you are to someone. But there are other messages you can glean from the kind of pics they post. Photos that are a little too good — he's bare-chested, giving his most fetching glance at the camera, or wearing tight jeans that hint that he's well-endowed — could indicate he's out for some no-strings-attached fun rather than a relationship. Why? Because anyone who makes his sexuality his key selling point is probably more interested in what you have to offer in the bedroom versus out of it, says psychotherapist Joe Kort, author of the forthcoming book 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love. And while posting a few photos indicates a desire to give viewers a sense of who a guy is, posting a plethora (like more than 10) could mean he loves the way he looks a little too much and is as vain as a peacock.
Having no pics says even more And what if a profile shows no photos at all or promises to email you one if you get in touch? It could mean he's not out of the closet. "If someone doesn't show photos or if he shows photos just of his body without his face, chances are he's not comfortable with certain people knowing he's gay," says Kort. That doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of who he is; it might just mean that he's worried that certain people in his life — relatives, coworkers — might react badly to the news. So before you initiate contact, make sure you're fine using some discretion in your relationship.
Spot the scene queen... Certain HIV+ gay men live to party and dance all night at clubs. Want to know who they are so you can join them—or steer clear and find a more mellow relationship? Look for ads that mention "keeping up with me" or "no drama!" More often than not, they are drama, so be prepared for one really intense time with them. Another dead giveaway? Hip spellings of certain words like "boi" for boy. Encounter a string of slang like "Hot boi ISO a VGL str8 acting guy 4 LTR or NSA fun," and you don't need your decoder ring to tell that this guy is probably a veteran online dater (how else would he know all that lingo?) who's most likely trolling for a good time. If that's your thing, go for it—but if your idea of a great date is dinner and a movie, don't expect this "boi" to jump on board. (Incidentally, the shorthand above translates as "Hot boy in search of a very good-looking straight-acting guy for long-term relationship or no-strings-attached fun.")
Know if he's just up for a one-night stand… When surfing profiles you'll probably encounter the phrase "Fun and possible LTR" (LTR stands for long-term relationship). And while this might lead you to believe that this guy truly wants to settle down once he finds Mr. Right, don't be fooled, says Kort: People who want "fun and possible LTR" are probably more into fun, less into the LTR. They merely want to avoid scaring away the more relationship-minded men who are attracted to their profile. Keep in mind, they may not be intentionally trying to deceive you, they may truly think they're open to long-term commitment. But any emphasis on "fun" should be noted as a "caution ahead" signal by anyone whose priority is to settle down for the long haul.
So how do you separate the HIV+ gay men who say they want a commitment from those who truly want one? For starters, there probably won't be anything strongly sexual mentioned in their profile, says Kort. He may even go so far as to say "friends first, relationship later" to ward off the guys who are just looking for action. And since he's probably not spending his days sleeping off last night's outing, he'll probably list lots of hobbies or activities he enjoys.
He also won't give a laundry list of things he doesn't want in a mate, like "no fats/fems" or "one-man gay pride parades need not apply." This could indicate he's burned out on dating, or that he's just a negative person, or that he harbors a strict, fantasy-like image of who he wants to be with—three signs he's probably not ready for the less-than-perfect reality of a relationship.
If you are looking for an LTR but your posts, profiling and comments are sexually oriented then chances are, you are attracting only those who are interested in sex, casual encounters or just IM chatting.
Try not to look so hard, just be out there and be yourself. People sometimes who look "too hard" tend to overlook and NOT see others who could very well be suited to you are looking for.
Put yourself out there on a handful of social networks and use different main profile photos of yourself on each one. Many gay men dating and social networks have extended profile text input areas and other enhanced features allowing people to blog, share photos, and open forums. Just parking a profile on sites does not cut it these days. Those looking for LTRs do participate and look closely at others who do likewise. Most of us do not have the time to repeatedly post the same information to every single response we get. Why should we when we have newer tools in front of us?
Being active by using these tools does increase your chances of success. It may not be immediate but what it does is allow others to get to know you, who you are and how you think.
The choices are yours to make, the tools are new and may be a bit difficult to use at first. As technology changes we do have to take the time to learn new ways if we want succeed in our endeavors, whether they be for personal use or professional use.
A picture is worth a thousand words... Photos, of course, are an easy way to gauge how attracted you are to someone. But there are other messages you can glean from the kind of pics they post. Photos that are a little too good — he's bare-chested, giving his most fetching glance at the camera, or wearing tight jeans that hint that he's well-endowed — could indicate he's out for some no-strings-attached fun rather than a relationship. Why? Because anyone who makes his sexuality his key selling point is probably more interested in what you have to offer in the bedroom versus out of it, says psychotherapist Joe Kort, author of the forthcoming book 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love. And while posting a few photos indicates a desire to give viewers a sense of who a guy is, posting a plethora (like more than 10) could mean he loves the way he looks a little too much and is as vain as a peacock.
Having no pics says even more And what if a profile shows no photos at all or promises to email you one if you get in touch? It could mean he's not out of the closet. "If someone doesn't show photos or if he shows photos just of his body without his face, chances are he's not comfortable with certain people knowing he's gay," says Kort. That doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of who he is; it might just mean that he's worried that certain people in his life — relatives, coworkers — might react badly to the news. So before you initiate contact, make sure you're fine using some discretion in your relationship.
Spot the scene queen... Certain HIV+ gay men live to party and dance all night at clubs. Want to know who they are so you can join them—or steer clear and find a more mellow relationship? Look for ads that mention "keeping up with me" or "no drama!" More often than not, they are drama, so be prepared for one really intense time with them. Another dead giveaway? Hip spellings of certain words like "boi" for boy. Encounter a string of slang like "Hot boi ISO a VGL str8 acting guy 4 LTR or NSA fun," and you don't need your decoder ring to tell that this guy is probably a veteran online dater (how else would he know all that lingo?) who's most likely trolling for a good time. If that's your thing, go for it—but if your idea of a great date is dinner and a movie, don't expect this "boi" to jump on board. (Incidentally, the shorthand above translates as "Hot boy in search of a very good-looking straight-acting guy for long-term relationship or no-strings-attached fun.")
Know if he's just up for a one-night stand… When surfing profiles you'll probably encounter the phrase "Fun and possible LTR" (LTR stands for long-term relationship). And while this might lead you to believe that this guy truly wants to settle down once he finds Mr. Right, don't be fooled, says Kort: People who want "fun and possible LTR" are probably more into fun, less into the LTR. They merely want to avoid scaring away the more relationship-minded men who are attracted to their profile. Keep in mind, they may not be intentionally trying to deceive you, they may truly think they're open to long-term commitment. But any emphasis on "fun" should be noted as a "caution ahead" signal by anyone whose priority is to settle down for the long haul.
So how do you separate the HIV+ gay men who say they want a commitment from those who truly want one? For starters, there probably won't be anything strongly sexual mentioned in their profile, says Kort. He may even go so far as to say "friends first, relationship later" to ward off the guys who are just looking for action. And since he's probably not spending his days sleeping off last night's outing, he'll probably list lots of hobbies or activities he enjoys.
He also won't give a laundry list of things he doesn't want in a mate, like "no fats/fems" or "one-man gay pride parades need not apply." This could indicate he's burned out on dating, or that he's just a negative person, or that he harbors a strict, fantasy-like image of who he wants to be with—three signs he's probably not ready for the less-than-perfect reality of a relationship.
Tips To Get Responses On Any Gay Dating Site
It seems like for every gay single man or gay single woman, there is an online gay dating site. There are literally hundreds of gay dating services all claiming to do the same things and many of us have used several of them.
I myself have been on gay.com and it took me a long time to figure out how to get a guy to respond. I'm a decent looking gay guy and you can bet the photos on my personal ad are the best I have, but for some reason I was only getting minimal responses.
I realized that I needed to look at my profile like another member would and do some self evaluation. Here are 7 quick things you must consider when you are editing your personal ad:
1. Am I presenting myself as a good match in the LONG TERM, or does it sound like I'm just looking for a quick fling? You need to think about what you're looking for - if its just physical action you want say that, if you're looking for something more don't be shy to say that.
2. Is my profile just like everyone else's? If so you're not going to get many responses. Try to have the attitude of 'I don't care what other people think, I'm going to be real' and make that apparent on your
3. Be specific! Don't just say 'I like to go out and on other nights stay in and watch a movie'. I've got news for you, so does everyone else! Instead tell them your details - write in your profile WHERE you like to go out (chances are other singles will know the same spots in your area) and what kind of movies you like.
4. Does the site allow you to communicate? Does the site provide INSTANT communication tools like straight webchat? If not, you might need to find another site. The reason is because many of the most exciting and rewarding meetings on a gay dating site is via instant messenger. I don't know if its because there something special about a spontaneous meeting, something romantic. Just make sure your site has this.
5. When making any kind of contact whether its sending a message to another user or responding to one, make sure you reference what is in their profile.
6. Don't be shy about adding a member to your 'favorites or friends' list. Yeah, yeah you heard it makes you look desperate. Forget that! It lets someone know you're interested and that's the point.
7. HOW ABOUT YOUR PICTURES? This is by far the most important element of any dating profile. Never put up a profile without a pic. This is the most deadly of sins. In fact, my recommendation is to make sure you upload as many pictures as you can, showing as many different emotions as possible. The reason is because this is how you will let your potential match who you really are and let's face it, looks matter. That doesn't mean you need to be Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, it means you need to show people what you look like because I guarantee you, there is someone out there that will think you're attractive. So be honest and don't set false expectations.
So in conclusion, be yourself, be specific, don't worry so much about what other people might think of you - be honest, make sure the gay dating site your on has the right communication tools that allow you to make instant contact and last but definitely not least, let your pictures speak a thousand words!
Gay Dating - Four mistakes Singles Make When Online Dating
Mistake 1
The first faux pas gay online singles make is only signing up to one gay online dating service. Only creating an account at one gay dating web site limits your opportunities of dating another gay single online, and doesn't allow you any room for error. When you sign up to more than one web site you can try different things with your profile to see which approach gets you the most results. You will discover what works for you, and what is just plain useless.
Creating a profile at more than one gay online dating service gives you a much better opportunity of being contacted by other gay singles. You will also see which service has the most gay dating singles that you're compatible with.
Mistake 2
Not uploading a photo on your profile will sorely effect your online dating experience. Over 90% percent of single who try online dating do it without a photo, and then they wonder why they don't get contacted, or don't get a reply to their free message that they sent. People that upload a photo can obtain up to 20 times more messages than people without a photo. Singles that have a photo on their profile also get a better response rate from their messages. Would you respond to a message from someone if you didn't know what they looked like?
Most gay online daters will choose to have only the personal ads with photos show up in their search results. For you, this means that if you haven't got a photo on your online dating profile you're not even going to be seen in the search results let alone have your profile clicked on. Even if they never choose to see profiles with photos only no one is going to viewing a profile that hasn't got a photo on it.
Mistake 3
Expecting your free trial to be your membership forever will not allow you to begin conversing with other gay singles. Lots of gay singles begin their free trial, and that's it, and then they can't understand why no one sends a reply to their winks. Other gay dating singles, need to be sent emails that have some content in them. You need to show that single that you have actually read their profile, and you can only do that by sending an email.
Before you upgrade make sure you have given all the gay online web sites a good try out first. Upgrading too quickly could lead to you signing up with the wrong dating web site.
Avoiding these mistakes will help you have a much more rewarding gay online dating experience. 90% of gay online daters get nothing from their internet dating because they make the mistakes above.
You will definitely be dating someone offline, and beginning a new relationship when you do online dating how it should be done.
FUNNY OR FOOLISH? - USERNAMES
Creating an online dating username is fraught with difficulty. You may not even have considered using anything other than your name before but the reality is, that whatever you choose, people are going to read something into what you write and it will be the start (or end) of your relationship with them. In this article we look at some issues to consider when deciding what your username should be.
For many more great ideas and suggestions for how to choose the user username that sums up who you are, as well as all the help you need to write your perfect dating headline and profile, don't forget to check out our unique online dating profile building tool and get the great personal ad you deserve.
A username such as Worldtraveller could be great username as it conjures up an expectation of someone who is well traveled or at least interested in travel and therefore open to new ideas, cultures and experiences. However, if not backed up in the profile itself though it would fail to have any real success or the writer may just sound like a fraud!
Wellfun, Chilled, Coolguy etc. were probably chosen as light hearted and easygoing dating usernames. They are suitable if the writer is looking for fun and friendship only, but not necessarily so good if you are looking for a serious relationship. They don't actually tell the reader anything about the writer or their interests and they certainly don't demonstrate any serious or reliable qualities, however dating doesn't always have to be serious remember!
Centrallondonguy or some other geographically specific name works well to attract local potential dates. It doesn't tell the reader anything about the writer though whereas changing it to something that adds an element of personalisation about the writers interests would attract more specific attention from potential dates sharing the same interests.
Robster, Stevenzx, John25 etc. are the simplest format of username for someone who can't think of anything else. They show a straightforward nature and confidence but reveal little else and will not jump off the page. Try combining your name with your number one passion and suddenly you will be telling your reader much more about you.
Aldente is an intriguing username as it can be interpreted many ways and is certainly more original than many. Rather than saying something specific about the person it makes the reader wonder what they mean which will probably get them to read on. The trick with this type of username is to add some relevance in the context of the actual dating profile but try and maintain the intrigue!
A maverick; on the face of it this is a clever username and one would think it would obviously lead the reader to assume the writer was unconventional etc. The problem with this username is similar to the problems associated with using the term 'gsoh'. It's a word you would use to describe someone else, not yourself. A true maverick (or someone with a good sense of humour) would demonstrate this personality trait rather than simply use the word.
Nicebutdim is a funny username which raises a smile, however, it's not necessarily the best way to attract a date. Certainly it demonstrates a sense of humour but sadly at the writers own expense and, whilst self deprecating humour can be appealing, this type of username will immediately put many more potential dates off than it will attract.
Cupidsjaded, Beenhurtbefore etc. are the sorts of usernames most people will steer clear of as it's obvious these writers still have some history to deal with! The lesson I hope you will take away from these usernames is to make sure that you consider your username carefully before you commit to it on your dating site.
Getting your username right can make all the difference to how successful your online dating experience will be. So make sure you post the online dating profile you deserve.
Avoid Becoming a Professional Online Dater
In the offline world a casual dater is one who never takes any dates serious – the person dates just for the fun of it. Unfortunately for those looking for a serious relationship, that same mentality has made its way into the online world in the form of "professional online daters." What exactly is a "Professional Online Dater"? The term refers to people who spend all their time looking for dates online without ever pursuing it to the level of a relationship. For a professional online dater, if they do settle down with one person, they usually quickly bolt back to the online dating world at the first sign of trouble in the "relationship."
Are You a Professional Online Dater?
Unfortunately it is sometimes easy to become a professional online dater without realizing it. Luckily there may be some telltale signs that you may be becoming a professional online dater. What are some of the signs? Try this simple test.
Do you sometimes want to end a date early, so you can go back home and check your messages and mailbox?
Do you ever find yourself comparing someone you're meeting or talking to with a great profile you've just seen?
Do you feel relaxed and laid-back about dating because if it doesn't work out there are plenty more fish in the sea?
Are you putting off being in a relationship until you find the perfect person?
Do you find it hard to choose between going out on a date with someone you already know and talking to someone new?
If someone breaks up with you, are you back online within 24 hours?
When dating someone, do you keep your profile active "just in case"?
Are you an active member of more than two online dating sites?
Have you ever stopped seeing someone because a better prospect landed in your inbox?
Have you, on more than one occasion, dated more than 3 different people in a week?
Does everything have to be perfect before you'd settle down with someone?
Do you get anxious if you can't check messages and mails for more than 24 hours, e.g. if away for the weekend?
Have you been online dating for over a year without seeing one person exclusively for at least a month?
If you've said yes to 6 or more, you may well be on your way to becoming a Professional Online Dater.
Emotionally Online Dating is Less Risky
Let's look at what's going on here. Online dating has taken an awkward and difficult social situation and made it accessible to anyone, thus making it a lot easier for people to find dates. No more hanging out in bars with friends hoping to catch someone's eye; no more hoping to be asked to dance, or hoping she'll say yes when you ask her. The risk of looking foolish or embarrassed has largely diminished, and dating has become easier. The emotional risk is lower in the beginning with online dating.
Many people genuinely want to meet someone and have a relationship. But when it happens, the "risk factor" comes back into play, and suddenly they have more to lose. For some people, it's easier emotionally - safer in fact - to go back and start again with someone else, and not risk getting hurt.
The Escape Route
Professional online daters who start relationships will generally keep a back door open, silently known as "an escape route." As soon as there is any difficulty in the relationship, instead of trying to iron things out, they cut and run. The next morning, they "unhide" their profile on the 25 dating services they belong to, that is if they ever took the time to hide their profile in the first place.
The Grass is Always Greener…
Some people are looking for perfection. They could find something wrong with Helen of Troy if she showed up for a date. After all, for these people, there's always another date that's just a click away.
Other people genuinely mean to be realistic, but get seduced by temptation. That one email that tempts you can mean walking away from what could have been a great relationship if you'd stuck around to find out. So what can you do to avoid the trap?
How to Avoid Being a Professional Online Dater
If you are, or feel you are becoming, a professional online dater, there are things you can do to become more serious about your prospects:
Be sensible with your time. If you're struggling to read all your mail or answer all your responses, you are casting your net far too wide. Consider hiding or deactivating your profile for a period of time.
If you commit to a date, see it through. Don't be seduced by tempting offers that "look better."
Process one offer at a time. Until you've eliminated someone, don't move on to the next.
If someone breaks up with you, or vice versa, take at least three days before going back online to look for another love. Take time to consider what went wrong so you don't make the same mistakes again.
Once you start seeing someone regularly, deactivate or hide that profile until you've decided whether or not they're going to be a long-term prospect. Once you've made a commitment to that person, completely delete your profile. Yes, even if you still have paid months left.
Never tell people that you've started seeing someone else and want to see how it goes before getting back to them. Some people are intensely competitive, and will try hard to persuade you to change your mind – and then maybe not even follow through. It's the "thrill of the chase" syndrome.
Make a commitment to yourself that you will be serious about your online dating experience. Be determined to work through problems, instead of giving up easily. This will not only help your relationship, but will also build your character.
If you are going online to look for a serious relationship then stay focused on your objective. Don't get caught in the online dating whirlpool that keeps you going around in circles. The people you interact with and date should be treated the way you expect to be treated; with respect and the opportunity to see where things lead without looking over one's shoulder.
The Beauty of Gay Men Personals
Being gay takes a lot of confidence and respect of one's sex orientation. Homosexuals face a lot challenges in pursuit of their rights. Having a partner is not as easy as you might think. Heterosexuals find it tough so you can imagine what gay men go through. You do not want to approach a person who makes you feel embarrassed or rejected after finding out that you were wrong. He was not gay at all. Using gay men personals is the only avenue to love and happiness in the gay world. If you are gay, the best resource is the gay dating sites because all the members are aware of your sexuality and they are there for the same purpose: To find prospective dates.
Gay men personals can save you a lot of unnecessary embarrassments triggered by people's reactions. Disclosing your sexuality is not an easy thing especially if the person you want to date has no clue. If you have been friends with a person for a long time you get confused on the correct timing of disclosing your intentions. John says that after saying that he loved his friend who for a long time showed compassion to him, he lost him instantly. His friend thought that it was just innocent compassion and he reciprocated all the time and John thought that he was also a gay. The minute he tried to become intimate the friend ran away from his life.
The beauty of using gay men personals over the Internet is that, everybody knows what to expect at what time. If you say that you love adventure and that you are humorous, your partner expects you to do crazy things, go to the extremes and every word you utter to have natural humor. If you say that you love open relationships, a possessive partner will not come on your way. If they know they cannot handle you being away, they will just keep off. Things which are explained out in the profile or personals ad will not be an issue in your gay relationship. People have different opinions concerning your sexual orientation and you do not want to hear their criticism every time you approach them. You can avoid this by choosing homosexual friends who should not be necessarily intimate friends.
Gay men personals will guide you on what you want in a date. If you do not love mountain climbing do not go for a gay man who lives for it. He might be the right size, personality but your companionship might suffer a huge blow. Read the personals ad carefully and take what you can deal with. What you cannot handle might sound cool and classy but you might become a very frustrated person. If you meet a gay man who loves mountaineering, it might be too late to save your heart from a heart break. By the time you realize that mountain climbing is his second name, you might have invested so much of your time and emotions. Gay men personals ads are proper guides to all homosexuals who are ready to have a soul mate.
Gay Dating Agencies - Why Is It That Nice Guys Are Losers?
So, you are this nice guy who has long been registered with all the gay dating agencies under the sun, yet you did not really manage to pull off a memorable success story all through this while! Why is it that being a nice guy has somewhere deep within you, left a scar of feeling like a loser in the game of dating and relationships? Why is it that you do not get in return all that you think you truly deserve from a relationship, in spite of being the NICEST guy around town? Do you want to know why being a nice guy isn't so nice after all, especially if you wish to sustain the interest of an attractive gay date? Read on to know why all your NICENESS is driving away that cutie.
Being a nice guy, you must have noticed how you have been wading though the jungles of hot and cute gay singles across various gay dating agencies all through these years. You must have also noticed how you have been trampling your own chances with them one after the other under the merciless weight of your NICENESS. As such you have reached a level of supreme expertise in quickly losing cuties. This has led you to read this article and undo those skills that are no longer working for you. Most importantly you are reading this to know why these rules aren't working for you so you never ever repeat the same mistakes again.
First and foremost! Stop being repetitive, obvious, and typical. When your behavior begins too mirror image itself in similar patterns across various situations, it becomes too easy to know how you are going to react to the next situation. You will also notice that the frequency of such situations increases because your hot date throws more of these situations at you to test if you can stand up to the challenge of surprising him. And you fail because you repeat what is a habit. You repeat what is comfortable and you refuse to step out of your comfort zone of following your regular response prototype. This eventually makes your date lose interest in you because he no longer has anything to be curious about you. You come across as dull, uninteresting and eventually boring.
So start thinking out of the box. If you got to clear an exam, you need to study to crack any type of tricky question. You need to practice enough to be able to see through any tricky question no matter how nastily it is framed. So make the attempt. Instead of using your same old formulas in relationships, start reinventing new formulas. Remember "Practice makes perfect", be it studies, profession or your personal life itself.
The second and most immediate area of attention is to tilt the equation of power in your favor. If you do not retain your share of the power, trust me no one likes a vulnerable and dependent mate. The vulnerability being discussed here is not your physical vulnerability, which may even be attractive. But it's more about your mental stability, resoluteness and steadfastness in the face of any given crisis.
Some instances of frequent mistakes committed by men include, calling up your date incessantly. I know hormones are high; curiosity is at the hilt, you wanna really get to know him better; you wanna see if it clicks and so on and so forth. But all this is not gonna happen all of a sudden right? You have got to learn to lean back and hold a lot more than calling more than twice a week. You need to wait at times till the interest levels soar high enough within your potential gay date and they start initiating equally or more.
Or else, you are obviously gonna feel used, even if your gay date never really felt so, because you just never allowed yourself to realize that you didn't give yourself the time to know if he is equally interested as well. You didn't help him generate interest in you because you were just so easily available at all times. You just showed you are dependent on this new factor in your life for a sense of security and that you really have no focus on greater priorities in life.
Some other acts you might want to give a second thought to are as follows:
- Asking him out too soon
- Being impulsive and not really weighing your options - before making decisions
- Giving gifts too soon
- Revealing your true inner feelings too soon
- Incessantly discussing your feelings and continuous changes in states of mind even if he shows a need for space, time, distance or even disinterest altogether.
So how can you confuse these cuties that seem to confuse you all the time? I know you have this whole need of being provider and providing happiness. But hold on, that hot date has come across just too many providers and may be ticking you based on some other factors he needs to figure first. Better yet, you might throw back some tests at him in return as well, such as ridiculing him with a good sense of humor. Create confusion in his mind. You could say something like, "Are you testing me? Are you scared of me? Lol! Already eh? Hahaha! Its fun messing up with you. ;D Lol!" Make him inspect himself.
Browse to learn some tips to a humorous conversation online, and if he retaliates angrily, tell him it is funny that he found it upsetting. Tell him you really appreciate that it is a nice thing about him that he is perfect and yet has a great sense of humor. This confuses him further and makes him make up to you for the drama he just exhibited, but he notices in hindsight that he just behaved in a way he wouldn't have wanted to. He did something to invoke a comment he wouldn't have normally heard from anyone else. He begins to wonder if he has any flaws.
Try some of these tips and avoid some of the pitfalls discussed earlier. This will help you will see how you have a larger variety of gay singles to choose from various gay dating agencies before you finally decide to settle for one.
FREE SITES
There are many free HIV+ gay men dating sites that offer singles to find HIV+ gay men online. Many guys found their partners through these HIV+ gay men dating services. It is so easy and simple to find gay singles online because it is not cost to you. When you are looking for partners at the bars, it is just too expensive. To find gays online, you only need to join these free gay singles dating services. Gay singles should join gay dating sites to find gays or gay friends. A gay man seeking a guy at the bars or nightclubs is the old way. People rarely go to the clubs to find gay singles. Seeking dates online is the new way for gay people and online singles. We have seen many online HIV+ gay men dating services booming on the Internet in the last few years. Many popular HIV+ gay men dating web sites offer 100% free gay dating services which help many online singles to find love and romance without a fee. That's wonderful, isn't it? Until they ask you for money for the extras!
Online HIV+ gay men social networks are a good way to find gay friends. Some gay dating services provide free membership for a limited time but some gay dating sites offer free for a life time to the members. There are paid gay dating services that were created long time ago and they charge members a small fee monthly. Popular gay dating services have the amount of joined members to two million and the number of members are going up. We can see how on line gay singles and gay personals like searching for their partners on the Net. The main purpose of online gay dating services is to provide single men and single guys to know each other on Net. Some gay dating services focus on specific area, such as Northern America, UK, Russia, Asia, or Europe regions, and there are gay dating services world-wide. Single men and single boys can meet thru the on line gay dating sites for friendship, relationships, or marriage.
On line gay singles, in a moment, can see other gay personal ads in front of computer. Registering a profile takes a few minutes at these gay dating sites and we recommend that you upload your photo to increase your chance in getting more attention from other members. You should post a nice profile to search for gays.
The old saying said that one picture worth thousands words which is always true. When a member looks at your photo, they will contact you right away if they are interested in your photo, without reading all the information you write on your profile. So, posting your profile with a picture or two photos increase your profile values. Usually, online gay dating services have new members on the homepage, which have newest members with photos. Profiles without pictures are usually not displayed on the front page of these gay dating web sites. Let us put it this way, when you search for a profile, you always look at profiles with pictures at these gay online dating services.
Marketing yourself in the HIV+ Gay Men Dating Scene
Being an HIV+ gay man is not an easy thing and most times it proves to be a great challenge because it is highly condemned by the society. You can imagine how frustrating it can get to search for a date in this discouraging environment. No man has a label on his forehead indicating that he is gay. For you to succeed in the gay dating scene you have to be strong at self identity. You chose to be gay and so you have to face all the challenges and live life to the fullest. A good life does not only constitute of a good career and good physical health. You can have this but if your social life is bogus you will not be happy. Learn how to rejuvenate your dating life.
The success in the dating scene especially as a HIV+ gay man highly depends on the image you project to the public. Everything we do in life is the way it is because of our attitude. If you have positive attitude towards homosexuality, it will be reflected through how you talk and how you carry yourself around. Walk with confidence and and do not suggest insecurity. In the gay dating scene, you will realize that you tend to attract the people who are pleased by the signals you are sending. If you are not comfortable with the kind of guys who are attracted to you, mind to change your attitude. If you are the scaring type, try smiling a bit and if you give out signals of arrogance try loosening up a little.
Dating is all about what people think about you and if they find you attractive. Many people are desperate of changing their dating lifestyles. To succeed in this, i advice that you go through a session of self-reflection and adjust your image. This can take you along way in the gay dating scene. You can rarely find your Mr. Right if you have not fine tuned your search. Have a vision of what you want. Physical qualities are important but just do not stop there, look further into the demeanor or the personality of your perfect partner. Do not be so rigid in your choice adjust while you can. Do not go looking for pasta sauce in the frozen food sector. By this i mean you go where you can find what you want.
If you are targeting a guy from a certain class go to where they hang out. The world is an integrated place and people hang around with those who share their interests or background. If you are eyeing a body builder, spend your free time at the gym. Do not wait for the shining tiffany to find you. You might be disappointed. If you only wait to be approached, you might fail in the gay dating scene. Go an extra mile and get out of your comfort zone and approach a handsome man. If you are approaching a guy it is hard to tell whether they are gay or not. To avoid being slapped on the face, do not give out too much too soon. The details should unfold naturally after breaking the ice.
Meeting Up with Him
With hundreds of different gay personals sites and chat rooms containing millions of gays and lesbians looking for companionship and perhaps even more, we often get carried away with interacting with different individuals.
However, we tend to forget that we are talking with anonymous people and we may even regret that our online date is not actually the person he or she seems to be. It is best to raise your guard and follow these safety tips while chatting or exchanging e-mails.
Take your time – Do not rush into meeting your online date personally right away. Take your time to get to know the person and ask as may detailed questions as possible before meeting him or her. Sometimes the Internet makes certain people to pretend as someone else, so watch carefully for inconsistencies or strange behavior. If you sense in your gut that there is something fishy about the other person, then discontinue chatting with him or her.
Protect your identity and personal information – Never disclose any personal information, and it's best not to ask the same to your online chatter. A stranger could use to possibly take opportunity of these gathered into and use it for his or her advantage. You don't have to give out a fake name, but remember to be weary when giving out your address, place of work, or other sensitive information your credit card numbers, SS number, or even your mobile phone number.
Tell about your date before leaving – No matter how much we want to assure ourselves that we are safe in blind dates, but reality is that you could get into trouble with only one incident. Remember to tell a good friend or relative of the exact location of your date, just in case something happens and the police would be looking for you.
Grab a photo – Be sure to get a photo of your date before you would meet. To make sure about the authenticity of the picture, try asking him or her some questions such as where and when was the picture taken. Don't forget to save the picture in an accessible part of the computer.
Hear the voice behind the face – There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a conversation before meeting on a blind date either by asking for his phone You can tell a lot about a person by the way they communicate. Follow your gut and examine if he or she is worth the meet.
Meet in a public place – Choose a comfortable meeting place like a café or an open park. This alleviates tension between the two of you, and at the same time provides a good setting for an early getaway just in case you don't like the date at all. Talk to him at a location where there are a lot of people (as they can become instant witnesses in case of a bad date).
Create another way to get home – There could be cases that your date would even follow you to your home or would even attempt to harm you. So, take an alternative route to your home or have him or her meet at a location away from your place or places.
How to be a Partner, Not a Sex Buddy
You have found the guy that you dream about. A few drinks, a few laughs, a few caresses, a few kisses. One thing would lead to another and all the while you thought you and him are together forever.
Then you realize the next morning he leaves without even hugging you. He may still open his communication with you, and may claim that he still cares for you, but you notice that he is extremely cold towards you.
You got hit with a bitter reality: you fell for a guy who does not commit. Meanwhile, you have become a mere sex buddy to him.
Guys like him release emotion at their own pace and no other. Pouring your heart out will only be seen as a sign of commitment, which is their biggest fear. Hopeless romantics like yourself who often think about the future often fall victim to their charms. The sex buddy has no concept of the past or future; what's important is the present.
His frame of mind believes that anything beyond hanging out—like getting close, sharing non-sexual activities together—would only destroy relationships. After all, what you have been doing together seems okay, so why would you have to mess it up by bringing all that commitment stuff into the picture?
Although it is best to find another guy who is just as committal as you, you may want to take a chance and test if he would do anything to gain your affection. Try to do the art of reciprocation (or in other words, playing hard-to-get). It is most effective for sex buddies who like to be in control of the emotional board. It may be difficult at first because you have to hold back your biggest asset—your emotions. However, the rewards can be great.
Ask your sister of a female friend to teach you a few techniques, since they've been doing this a lot of times with men. If he gives you little emotion, give him an equal amount of emotion as well. If he pulls back, pull back as well. If one day he wants to meet you, tell him you are busy and try to check his reaction if he'll make an effort to try and see you.
Keep some distance, but not as far as he would to you, until you have trained him to give a little more. To these guys, your emotional words mean little, but your actions matter. You may even subtly mention that your relationship is not one-sided. If he wants some, then he has to give some.
Some gay men are hesitant to put their partners on the same pedestal emotional as they do sexually. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine if you want to snag him. If everything else fails, don't just drop him off. Sit him down and let him know that you need more emotionally. You are probably destined to find a guy who is willing wear his heart on the sleeve, just like you do.
Ways to Approach a Guy
Like in a heterosexual set-up, trying to approach a gay guy and ask him for a date seems like a really calculated routine. It would often start when you spot a hot guy by himself minding his business and you begin to scope him out. You casually go near him and pretend to do your own thing, and out of nowhere you strike a conversation with him. There would be some rejections, but there would be those magic moments when you begin to introduce one another and eventually go out on a date.
More often than not, gay men would rather wait to be approached. However, doing so would lessen the chance for you to find great guys. Here are some useful tips that are helpful in your mission to become a dating magnet.
Meet more people – Get out of your house! There are different opportunities for gay love in every city, if you are aware of your surroundings, and these are not only confined in bars. Keep your eyes open for flirtatious looks, comments, or gestures, at book shops, laundry mat, or even in a grocery store. Almost every place is a great venue for dating prospects.
Seize the opportunity – Once you have locked your target, look for an opportunity to approach him and seize it. In most cases—especially if he is alone—the guy would do or say something that gives you the chance to strike up a conversation. You can also try to get his attention and let him start a dialogue.
Keep the dialogue going – Most of the time, gays don't fail in approaching other men; it is during the conversation phase that would cause the fallout. Keep the conversation going and flowing by talking and letting him speak. Make a comment or a joke that would make him laugh or at least smile. Don't lose the opportunity. Check his reactions if he is also interested in you. If he seems that he is not, then shrug it off and look for other guys.
Close the deal – Now the moment of truth: Ask him for his phone number or go out for a cup of coffee. If you feel comfortable to him, give him your number also. Let him know that you are interested in knowing him more. However, remember to call a few days after meeting.
Basic Guide to Body Language
Actions speak louder than words. A guy would say one thing, but his body will tell you another. Body language is a subconscious way of giving himself away.
If you are confused and still trying to figure out whether or not a guy has the hots for you, then it is best to check out this list of positive and negative body language. If a guy does more good body signs than bad signs, then there is a possibility that he is attracted to you.
However, it is best to be careful in doing and interpreting body language. Not everyone is comfortable with intimate body movements like being too close or touching his arm. For instance, if you lean too close to a guy, he might think your are overly aggressive or invading his space. In case he becomes queasy about it, apologize and put an ample distance between the two of you. At least that would give him a signal that you are sincere and caring.
A guy's body language can easily be misinterpreted. A guy who seems to appear to be really close to you may mean that he is just a friendly guy, or if he crosses his arms then it probably because he is shy.
Positive Body Language
He has good eye contact – Looking at another guy's eyes is one of the easiest ways to check if he is interested in you. If his eyes look friendly and show sincerity to you, then getting along with him won't be much of a problem.
His legs are slightly apart – Like straight men, gay men tend to make themselves attractive to other guys through their body positions. Putting their legs slightly apart make them appear taller, hotter, and more attractive. If he does this to you, then he is probably trying to catch your attention. You could probably even take a little peek downward if he's trying to show off his package.
He twirls his hair – You may think it's a girl thing, but combing his hair (especially above the ear) using his fingers is a sign of attraction. If he tries to twirl your hair gently, then let him do so.
His smile is wide open – You cannot fake a good smile. If the guy smiles widely, even showing the laugh lines or crow's feet if the guy's a bit more mature, then he has genuine fascination or attraction for you. Some guys would even smile to show their dimples.
He would gently touch his face, cheeks, or lips – Sometimes, a guy would touch his face, especially his lips, to show interest and attraction. Some would even interpret this as a sexy way for the guy to imagine how good would you be if you kiss him on the lips.
He leans towards you – We all have our personal spaces, or how near other people should be to us, but we tend to disregard them when we are with our loved ones. If a guy leans towards you, he wants to be receptive to you or to what you're saying. At the same time, he wants to indicate that you are welcome in his personal space and he hopes that you do the same.
He would touch you – A guy would try to touch your arm or shoulder to show his desire and attraction to you, and at the same time he tries to test how you would respond. If he touches your shoulder, try touching his waist or his shoulder. You could also try holding his hand that is touching your elbow.
He would roll-up his sleeves and unbutton his shirt or jacket – He begins to feel comfortable to you, or you can say that he is trying to let off some steam after seeing you.
Negative Body Language
He has that piercing eye contact – If he stares at you and you feel creepy about it, then it would be best not to continue your date.
He tends to look away – This may show insincerity on his part, or probably he may just be shy. Some guys may follow certain cultures about not staring too much at another person while conversing.
He constantly looks around while your talking – This is a sure sign that is disinterested towards you, even to a point that he looks around for other hot guys or a means to end the date quickly.
He clenches his jaw – If he shuts his jaw tightly, and you can tell from his gnashing teeth or his pursed lips, then he is become impatient towards you and the date.
He nods way too much while you’re talking – He is probably not listening to what you are saying. However, you can also say that he may have a short attention span. You can gauge it by asking him about his thoughts.
He crosses his arms or legs – Crossing arms is a sign of being defensive. This simply means that he is not yet open towards you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't like you. Maybe he wouldn't cross his arm after several dates.
He would shove his hands in his pockets – Like crossing arms, this is also a sign of being defensive. However, it can also mean that he is not interested about the date.
His hand would clasp the other elbow while smoking – Another sign of being defensive, and also another sign of disinterest. However, if he looks up while smoking then he is definitely bored on the date.
He firmly puts his finger on his chin or lips – Doing so is an indication that he is evaluating or criticizing you in his thoughts.
He puts his chin on his hand – If he leans his chin on his hand as if he is attending Business Ethics class, then he is totally bored either with your or with the date.
He slouches – Not trying to bear a good body position simply means that he is not trying to be attractive to you.
He puts out a thin, forced smile – As said before, smiling cannot be faked. Even if he smiles at you, as long as it is insincere, his smile would look thin and forced.
He tends to shift the weight on his legs – This shows that he is uncertain on how he would feel for you. It can also mean that he is simple nervous about talking to you.
He would drums the table using his fingers – He is simply disinterested with the the date and with what you are saying.
He would rub the back of his neck – If he shows moves like this then it means the guy is tired. He could either be tired from the work that he had before the date, or he could be tired because of the date.
He would clasp his thumbs around imaginary suspenders – This movement usually complement when he would brag about something. It is best to check if his boastfulness has some “weight” in it and not just “air.”
He constantly plays with his lighter or pen – He could either be bored or nervous about the date. Try asking him about his interests to loosen him up.
Art of Gay Kissing
Tips about kissing can be found on almost everywhere from magazines to the Internet, but chances are you won't apply those tips in a gay or lesbian setting. It's best that you know these guidelines on how to steal that kiss and make it worthwhile.
Touch gently – Kissing doesn't necessarily begin with a lunge. It starts with a light, playful touching that you have been giving him. We do not advise of suddenly grabbing the crotch, but get him comfortable with your touch by caressing his sleeve or flicking an imaginary lint off his collar, or you could try to be bold by holding his forearm. Get your friend really relaxed with your touch before you prepare yourself of kissing him.
Make sure the feeling is mutual – Do not kiss another guy if you are unsure that he wants to kiss you as well. Try creating a mutual interest by flirting with him or by providing a fun atmosphere when talking to him. Watch out for indications that he is interested in you like when touching you back, responding to your jokes positively, letting his eyes catch yours, or when he doesn't shy away from sex talk and gives out his own double entendres.
Take him to a “kissing zone” – New-found lovers tend to kiss each other in public, but don't try putting your date on the spot. When both of you are in a bar, for instance, bring your date to a semi-private corner away from the prying eyes and never in your bedroom or hotel room. That special “kissing zone” could be a dark corner, a quiet hallway, or a bench outside the club. Don't be frank about telling him that you want to take him away to kiss each other, instead provide a plausible reason like the place being hot and you wanted you go outside with him to catch some fresh air.
Let the tension build – Once you bring your mate to the kissing spot, continue developing attraction to him with further flirting, teasing, and touching. Do not go for the kiss right away, but let him know subtly that you want to kiss him. One good advice is that you perform a “triangular gaze,” first by looking into his eyes, staring down to his lips, then going back to his eyes. Then try touching him gently on the lips or caress along his jawline. You could even try being frank by asking him if he wants to be kissed, but try not to be aggressive when asking. If he reacts positively, then slowly lean towards him, close your eyes, and just let your lips do the action.
Is Your Guy Ready for a Long-Term Relationship?
Finding a partner is a fulfillment in a gay mans life. However, how would you be at ease if your partner has been sending mixed signals in regards to what he wants in your relationship. Is he planning to be with you on a long-term basis, or would he would rather keep the relationship brief and sweet?
It is difficult to determine where things would develop after only a few dates. Even if there is a connection, both partners are still blinded that their fascination on each other that it can quickly turn into moments of rage. Although we hope that it won't happen, only time will tell.
Take time and get to know your new prospect and the relationship develop on its own. Do not over-analyze the signals, either. You are still feeling for each other out so the signals may not be exactly what you think they are.
Show through your actions that you are very much willing to make him your man. You will know when it is the right time to talk about a LTR (sometimes, this is not even discussed but it just happens naturally). In the meantime, enjoy spending time with a guy you really like.
Patience in Gay Relationships
Building gay relationships takes patience, which unfortunately is not easy to learn in life. It's known that gay relationships mature at a faster rate, even more than those relationships between straight couples. Nonetheless, one thing common between heterosexual and homosexual relationships is the time it takes to find the right partner.
Don't just jump into the love pool once you spot a hot guy at the gym, or you meet some cutie on the Net, or you find your blind date a hottie. Take your time getting to know him more. Never ever panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't spending much time together after a week of romance. If you guys hit it off, chances are he is into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship would be much better off if you take things slow.
If you wish not to rush your relationship, it is best to have a sense on how your partner wants his relationship to be handled. He may suddenly become too clingy after that one moment together, then try to tell him to set a certain schedule on when you two should be together. It's not because you are trying to avoid the opportunity of spending more time with him, but rather because you would want to keep that relationship burning as both of your hearts grow fonder on each absence.
There would also be some situations when your guy would suddenly become unusually silent after you spend the night together. Try talking to him to spark a conversation. Any topic will do, as long as you don't ask him why he is not giving you the attention that he used to give since you are probably not the reason for it. Try giving him subtle physical contacts like stroking his hair or an intimate arm lock. If he remains cold, ask him what his problem is. In case he says that he's ironically fine, then just leave it at that. Maybe he would share it to you one of these days.
Spending activities together should be balanced during this early phase. Make sure that you have your “alone time” and your “together time” in check. Your activities together vary according to each other's lifestyles. You may probably share a fave activity like roller blading, or you could even learn each other's unique hobbies. For instance, play some video games with him while you teach him how to tap dance.
My personal comments:
People join, become active and then disappear all the time in Yahoo Groups and social networks. Weather, local events and sometimes personal matters take people away too. It’s really had to figure out why anyone ignores personal emails or suddenly "drops out."
Personally speaking I would not make any assumptions as to the "whys" nor would I take it personally either. There could very well be some other factors happening (health, family, work since it is the holiday season, computor crashing,- anything).
A few years ago I had this happen to me with someone I thought I was getting it on with too. Then suddenly he stopped writing. I generated three personal emails to him over a period of two weeks. Still no answer. I made an assumption, based on previous Internet experiences, that the person was just like most others on the net, probably just another game player and being rude not to take the time to at least say "not interested." Later down the pike I discovered that person had been involved in a serious accident.
Years ago I would spend a lot of time wondering if maybe it was something I might have said or done. Someone close to me pointed out to me how we all perceive what's being said (written and vocal) differently. The Internet is a great way to meet new people but it is also difficult for some when it comes to communication. Too often people "read" into text postings the wrong way. We try to communicate what we are feeling. Since we all perceive what we read (and hear) differently, what I may be trying to express very well can come across totally differently to others.
There was a time I use to "worry" about how I was coming across until I realized what a physical and mental energy drain that could be. I also realized that I cannot change or control others' perceptions. What is in my control is to take the time to look at what I am writing to someone before expressing it when it comes to intimate expressions.
You are not alone in dealing with this issue - others have also experienced this and it does impact us sometimes so I'll be reposting parts of this private message into the forum area since I know others also have experienced this. I won't acknowledge the sources or names since that would not be appropriate.
Really good compilation of information here! Don't need it myself since I'm hitched. Does however provide some help for those who are looking for relationships and friendships on the internet.
Photos reveal a lot. So do opinions and thoughts. The younger generation has software & technology we didn't have years ago that does allow anyone to put out more about themselves. Some of the older sites are just now starting to change their formats.
Getting stuck with certain online behaviours does cause others to lose interest. Mixed signals too. Some appear to be genuine but stats & sexual postions are always a priority.
Andy is right. Setting limitations for yourself & others is indeed very limiting. A real turn off!
Those who feel they must base a relationship on sex set themself up for disaster. If you can't share & explore sexuality with a partner probably will be better off staying single. Same holds true for what you feel inside yourself.
Sharing a balance of power is important in all aspects of a relationship. Holding back not communicating is not healthy for either person.
Like the idea of ratings. There are too many freebies available so why pay for it?
i think the main thing is people just are not able to acept honesty anymore tehy are so use to being played or used for just sex, or someone is not being truthful in how they represent themselves,that so many have become guarded and are afraid to step beyond the comfort zone.
granted most of us have had expereinces that are less than desirable,but if you put up defenses at the begining it will never lead anywhere
i believe in total honesty, i put it out there this is how iam nothing more nothing less from my age to weight to dick size to health issues there is nothing,i will meisrepresnt, it simple this is me who i am , what i am looking for and there is no game no bullshit no pretense.
ihave dealt with my inner drama and turmoil long ago and it has no part in my life
i am looking far a man to build a relationship with plain and simple there is no perfection no expectations,on who i want you to be other than a good honest man with the ability to committ communicate and work at building a life l;ong friendship and partenrship, i have no excpectations on who you should be because my expectations of myself are enough for me to work on, and remain true to. i don't care about your looks, don't care about your skin tone or shade, i do like a man to be a man masculne not femine
i don't like limitations in a relationship like i am a bottom only well love and building a relationship there is no top no bottom only equality. and what is right at the moment may not be right at the next you need to be flexible and experimental and open to saying ok , i am into you enough that i want to take your cock this time,.i don't care about what you have or have not just that you share nt he responsibilities of running a home and pullyour weight and don't ant o be supported, i am poor and make no bones about it, once had a well to do life then got sick lost it all and this is me now,life goes on you adjust to what is thrown at you.being upfront and totally honety with myself enables me to be so with you, it has allowed me 10 years of celebacy to accept redefine me and who i am what i want and what i am willing to do and am not willing to do.
in otherwords i checked out got my shit together and know me what i have to offer to you as well as myself. love s something that grows, it does not happen overnight, overnight is lust, love is a building block that you work on day to day forever. you find a common piece of ground or intrest however you want to interpit it and you say ok, i have the balls do you, idf so you begin to work and the work never stops. you learn you teach you experement you find what is right for the two of you and keep it going with an open line f communicationbaed on honesty trust and friendship,being the priorities therest falls into place as long as these thigns are maintained
you can not be afraid to be honest, yeah it makes you vulnerable but it also makes peopel see your steadfst in who and what you are. i have to look on line becasue i am remote, iw ill not do a pay site because i cannot afford it nor do i believe in it
this is me, see me here me reach out to me and you might just be surprised at the man you find,not all of us need to portray ourselves as something we are not, this is me 51 down to earth easy going no drama mountain man
butch masc love life, love nature, love friends family animals,yep got health issues but that is part of life to, i am a damn good man, won't lie to you or play a game or head trip.all iwant from you is the same respect i give
so if ya got the notion that this might be something for you then grab your balls give them a good pull and go for it
just takes a minute to reach out
later guys andy/arizonamountanman
There are a countless number of online dating sites which offer the opportunity to meet and chat with other gays online and get to know them better. Once you start searching the web you will come across few thousands of gay dating sites which claim to the most authentic ones. Now some of them are really good but many are simply worthless.
Some sites out there are not very old do not contain too many profiles. In order to make up for this they often create fake profiles of numerous gay men and post them on the site. So when you browse through the site and take interest in a particular profile, sometimes you are prompted to “upgrade” your membership for a fee. Some will offer you an opportunity to a “reduced fee” for a limited time period. Often people will take the bait. You either get a short “thanks but not interested reply” if you’re lucky or get no reply at all. While we all know that sometimes people don’t take the time to acknowledge others, chances are that what you are getting is an “auto reply.” This is where you get cheated easily.
Another thing to watch out for are those pay sites we see on searches that tout themselves as being HIV (and gay) owned and operated. A few really are! A few years ago I joined two HIV pay sites. One was gay owned and operated while the other one looked totally different and touted itself as being for HIV poz hets. It didn’t take long for me to discover that many of the profiles I saw of men on the gay site were also on the het site! I guess the owners of those two sites, and the other dozen or so they owned, never figured a queer man would check this out!
Others that claim to be really are not. Do a WHOIS search of domain names if in doubt. You might be surprised who owns those sites AND how many other domains that same entity owns. I’ve seen HIV DATING (gay) owned sites that originate out of Thailand, Cyprus, Russia, South America, and Africa, whose owners also have several other DATING sites, which basically either translates to scammer or schemers.
Read the fine print! Before submitting your credit card or other banking info make sure you can cancel easily.
Automatic renewals are common place these days BUT make sure you know WHERE TO NAVIGATE and HOW to cancel that recurring auto billing.
Most reputable businesses do in fact let you know this upfront AND tell you how to cancel an account. The more dubious ones bury that information! When I went to cancel my accounts at the two sites I mentioned above, it took some navigating to figure out how to cancel the accounts. I was then billed every month for two months from both sites. There was a clause in the terms that stated “…it takes 30 days to process cancellation requests……” Legally you are obligated when you accept terms of service when it comes to credit card disputes. I paid the card off and closed out that credit card account immediately.
I like to visit porn sites to view videos and images. These days I use a PREPAID VISA card solely for this purpose, keeping only a small amount on that PREPAID card specifically for this purpose. The one time I did have a problem I simply disposed of one card and purchased a new one. You can purchase these at WalMart, some banks and other retail chain stores.
I am currently working on a future article that will rate online dating sites and other pay sites on the Internet. I would welcome your comments on this.
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