I am of what you would call multi-racial heritage. A *mutt* of sorts in that I'm proudly African-American, Native American, French, Irish-Italian with a hint of Scotch thrown in for good measure. Whew, what a mouthful – that only happens to be what I know about going back a few generations. I have endured people trying to figure out exactly what my heritage is for the bulk of my life. I still get a chuckle out of when someone speaks Spanish to me because they think I am Puerto Rican or Dominican and I tell them I don’t speak Spanish. In French. I joke with friends occasionally that I’m a fake Puerto Rican whenever we’re together and this happens, which in New York City is quite frequently. I know there is some Latin in the mix probably as well, but I haven’t traced everything. My family is comprised of numerous interracial marriages, and really no one ever saw color/race in my family.
As I grew up and discovered I was gay, I sort of leaned towards dating Caucasian men. I have had relations with men of other races, but I still find myself primarily attracted to Caucasian men.
I had never thought anything about my preference to date outside of my race with the exception of when I encountered subtle racism experienced by others. A prime example being this Caucasian guy picking up this African-American one in a bar and telling him to walk out behind him 5 minutes later because he didn’t want his friends to see them leaving together. It made me think back to when I lived in down South for a time and was exposed to shall we say, 'unfamiliar situations' for the first time in my life.
• The first being one day sitting in Mickey D's eating next to this group of teenage Caucasian girls. I couldn't enjoy my food for they were burning a hole staring at me. I could feel the heat radiating. Finally I looked over at them and one of them said: "We're sorry for staring, but we were just trying to figure out what you were." I lost my appetite and left.
• The second incident happened when I went out with a friend of mine to a certain bar. There was this African-American guy who kept giving me the eye and speaking to me each time I walked past him. He finally caught me alone and came up to talk to me. I explained that I was out with someone and then excused myself. He waited awhile and tried again. I re-emphasized that I was with someone. I guess the third time was the charm for him, as he was very persistent and he tried again, after my friend and I were at the bar together getting cocktails. I politely declined once again, nodding my head towards my friend. Oh my God: you'd have thought I shot this guy. He got extremely loud, called me all kind of derogatory names and wanted to fight because he felt I was turning him down for a white man since I was "half white” despite the fact that my friend was African-American. And here I'd been nothing but cordial to this person and never spoke out of turn towards him whenever he’d approached me up until that point.
• Later in life, I was out and about in a queer bar with a group of my pals, and this handsome Caucasian guy kept whistling at me as I walked by. I finally approached him. We made small talk and he felt he had to inform me that he'd "never been with a black man before, but if he were to consider it, I would be on the top of his list." I left him standing.
I got a combination of the color of my parents’ hair and I have had coppery red hair the majority of my life until I started to darken it because I grew tired of people asking if it was "natural." I also have a silver streak that started growing in when I was 8 years old. The same deal: 'is that real?'
My entire life, because I am a man of color, and thin, Caucasians have made a habit of telling me I look just like Sammy Davis Junior. Occasionally someone might say I look like Gregory Hines, and when I had longer hair: Prince or Michael Jackson (around the time "Bad" was released).
Sammy Davis never had red hair. He never was "red" complexioned as I am. His moustache was not thick and bushy like mine when I let it grow haywire. I once was in a department store and this Caucasian woman came up to me and said: 'I'll bet no one has ever--' I finished her sentence: 'told me that I look like Sammy Davis Junior.' Her mouth fell to the floor. I rolled my eyes. She then had to go into how "talented" he was. I ignored her.
I don't make a habit out of telling Caucasians, Latins or Asians that they resemble anyone else. One of my friends told me that he used to be told by people that he resembled an African-American singer from the early 90s, and another also told me today people told him he resembled Johnny Mathis.
Is this supposed to be flattering? I think not. It's almost racist if you ask me: all blacks look alike is what it boils down to, if you strip the celebrity away. What is black? The absence of light. So why is it all descriptors when it comes to complementing black [people] so negative: 'the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice' and 'once you go black, you never go back' are just as racist. Even in Rozalla's popular dance track "Are You Ready To Fly?" from 1992 she sings a line: 'black is the color of night when you're lying with me.'
It used to really bother me when I heard these things and I'd get upset.
Anyway, I digress.
What is it with this myth that African-American men are so well endowed that they can't find pants to contain their appendages? I get sick to my stomach each and every time I see some Caucasian queer looking for a BIG black dick. OMFG. It's like they don't want the man it's attached to. You don't see anyone searching for "small dicked Asians" or [any adjective here] Latins.
Man: 1. A full-grown male human being. 2. A human being, regardless of sex. 3. The human race: mankind. 4. Informal. a. A husband. b. A lover or sweetheart. 5. A male servant or subordinate. 6. One of the pieces used in a board game, as chess. 7. often Man. Slang. a. A policeman. b. A white man.
Dingo: A wild dog of Australia.
I just don't get it. If they had the ability to think with their brains, they would realize that a MANDINGO equals a wild male human dog.
I've never seen one before, even in the saddest of horror flicks.
I, for one, happen to prefer dating Caucasian men. I WILL not tolerate being with someone who considers me as a piece of meat. My fucking dick doesn't pay the bills, nor does it compel them to set me up as their "kept" man. This brings me to the matter at hand. Drum roll please for such a perfect seque-way.
Racism is unfair, unethical and damaging to both those who do it and those who are its victims. It enforces the myth that we are separate and distinct instead of exclaiming the truth that we are one human people.
And racism runs rampant in the gay community, in various forms. There are mainly two components which are most common: sexual racism and the type which stems from people who feel they have to make people make retribution for some ancient crimes against a race as a whole.
What is sexual racism? We see examples of it all the time when we see personal ads that state 'NO blacks, Asians or any other descriptor such as fats or fems' within the text of the ad. The only way to combat this is to put yourself in someone else's shoes and imagine how you would feel reading something that made you feel subhuman. Words can hurt someone very deeply.
I was recently privy to an online interaction where a guy was subjected to a type of certain sexual racism. I would like to include the dialogue here to educate and inform people that things like this occur on a regular basis, STILL. Many people subconsciously do things that might be considered racism of sorts. For instance when Caucasians say to their African-American friends one of the following: ‘oh, I have plenty Black friends’ or ‘I don’t consider you as being Black.’ Imagine how would this make a person feel.
You can’t? Keep reading.
DISCLAIMER: this is the very text taken directly from context with little to no editing, other than grammatical. There might be language considered to be strong or offensive within; it needed to be retained so the true meaning would come across. I wanted to relate the fact that someone else had experienced something similar to one of my personal experiences I related earlier so it could be seen just how common these experiences are.
One POZQUEERS member posted a question to another member in one of our groups:
miablkbehr WROTE: <<<<< I am too strange for this society (the current American one anyway, be it Gay (please describe queer for me) or Black...>>>>>
To which THAT other member's response to miablkbehr was followed up with by miablkbehr's reply back to that member:
<<<<< I appreciate your response (and rant) to my question about being 'queer.'
Upon reflection of your words, I am definitely "QUEER." It’s funny, when I was younger, after integration and during the late 70s/80s, I had an Italian friend. We bonded from the very start because like him, I was not like the other black children; I was not defined by my race. I didn't understand it then but it was definitely an act of defiance. And he, to me, was not like the other white children I knew (he was from Boston and I understand all of that much better now). I had broken the 'black creed' - stick to your own kind and toe the party line; and was 'punished' for it.
Anyway, my friend and I realized we were gay at the same time and since we were too young to go out to the bars, we had this very Pollyana-ish view of being gay. Of course we thought that gay people were so much nicer than straight people mainly because they had experienced prejudices they were less prejudiced themselves [although I failed to mention to him at this time that that was not true because a number of black folks abhorred gay men (sissies)], that gay men and gay women bonded together through their shared sexual preference. We missed a lot of things within us, as my friend said he could never sleep with a black man (go figure!).
When we were finally able to go to the gay bars, it was a HUGE slap in the face; probably more for me than he. He was protected to a degree because he was a twink for all intensive purposes of the word; I was not, never had been, nor would I now want to be a twink. It pained me at first because there were all these older men that I was so attracted to who wouldn't even give me the time of day.
Even when another friend took me to Jules (I came out in New Orleans :-)), no one really talked to me or was interested in me (I figured that although a small part of it had to do with my being black, a LARGER part was because I was young and had a baby face (couldn't even grow a beard then)...but how I drooled!!
As time went on, I realized all the slights that black gay men received. I was somehow protected from all of that...probably because I wasn't perceived to act "niggerish" (loud, boisterous, ignorant, belligerent) and I was always surrounded by white acquaintances. I tried going to one of the mixed bars: Wolfendale's -- and on the first night met the most bearish man I have ever seen, long scraggly hair, big bushy beard and really sweet. I was so attracted to him that it hurt… but I was not 'black enough' for him. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't!! I really did not feel comfortable in the black gay bars either as I was always more attracted to men who were different than me.
I discovered the bear community and was elated believing that bears were so much different than other gay men because of the prejudice that they received from being hirsute. Again proven wrong when I went up to another handsome bearish man who flat out stated," I don't do niggers"; found out that there were many bears who wouldn't give me the time of day because I didn't fit the description of a bear, OR mainly, because I would not fulfill their Mandingo fantasies. It just reminded me that those who are oppressed quickly become the oppressors when they gather some semblance of "power".
So slowly but surely I came to realize that I did not fit easily into any category. AND THEN I found out I was positive :-). Talk about the icing on the cake (although years later, I found that that was NOT the final layer). I just became abundantly clear to me that I was on the fringe, not only of 'mainstream' society but also 'mainstream' gay society that wanted to gain such acceptance from the straight world that anything undesirable: black, trannies, and bikers were relegated to second and third class citizens and not to be associated with.
Despite this, I HAVE met a number of free spirits, people not being lambs led to the slaughter of the mainstream. I also found a number of men, mostly bears and biker types (and self proclaimed rednecks - LOVE THEM!! and I was involved in the fairie movement a bit) etc who were MORE than happy to see ME and not their perceptions of who they wanted me to be.
Freedom comes with a price, and I happened to become infected because of my desire to give of myself to men who were also free and without constraint to enjoy the pleasure, physically and spiritually, that only two men can truly share (this is not to say that the same is not true of straight couples or lesbian couples - I just do not know about that). I have had many spiritually sexual bonds with fellow men. And I cherish all of them because each one helped to make me who I am today, a human being who is queer.>>>>> END OF miablkbehr GROUP POST
The other type of racism stems from when someone feels they have been slighted so they must make an entire race pay for how they were wronged. Just because your ancestors were enslaved does not make it right for you to hold a grudge against all people of European descent and have it out for them. Nor does it make it right for you to persecute anyone because of their skin color and your perceptions of how any particular race behaves due to stereotypes. Get the fuck over it. Move on. There are more important things to worry about in life, like living and enjoying it; making it day to day.
Learn to accept one another, as well as realize that even though we are individuals, we are all the same on the inside and this world will be a better place. Respect one another, not hate each other, as we're all human.
THANK YOU RAWRHYDERNYC FOR WRITING THIS. CHANCE IS POZQUEERS MUSIC MAN, LIVES IN NYC and HAS CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH TO ENERGY & TIME TO OUR COMMUNITY. I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR CHANCE'S HELP & SUPPORT WITHIN THIS COMMUNITY. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POST YOUR COMMENTS HERE. VISIT HIS HOMEPAGE - ITS ALWAYS CHANGING AND EVOLVING. I ALSO WISH TO THANK CHRIS (aka miablkbehr) for his sharing in our groups. It was Chris' question to me and his response to my reply back to him that prompted this article. CLICK ON THE TEXT LINK TO VISIT CHANCES HOMEPAGE!
Please read a related forum about racism and sensitivity. You must be logged in to read forums. This article is now linked to and from the “RACISM SENSITIVITY the N word CENSORSHIP” forum. Copy and paste the link into your browser after while logged in. The forum thread is located at the TOP of forum under “Site Comments.”
ORIGINALLY POSTED ACCIDENTLY REMOVED.
MEMBER leeeb Posted 03/20/2008 12:09 AM
rainbow shades
now that I'm finding my way a bit more, I just read the article. Really well done - articulate and you nailed it. I'm better for having read these thoughts, and will be reading a lot more. It was good.
My what I have missed
Chance what a beautifully written piece. I don't believe that anything I have written has ever been quoted. I am flattered and honored.
Dialouge about gay men and racism seems so sorely lacking. That is why a lot of guys go by 'stay with your own kind and I will stay with mine'. But what of those of us who are not made that way? I guess we only need to look at our publications and pornography to see where we are with that( I still FIRMLY believe that a barebacking gonzo featuring a black bottom and all white tops would make more money than people think-any takers?? :-) Just kidding..maybe) But then I guess a lot of guys wouldn't want their friends to know that they find that exciting and hot. More likely they would rather NOT be called a dinge-queen or a nigger lover behind their back, or to their face. Look at the rags and you do not see a rainbow of faces( THAT is not fair, ok maybe ONE in all 50 pages of advertising or photos). Sometimes I wish I had the funds to open up a gay resort..my advertisement would NOT show only young white men with muscular bodies, but REGULAR joes..regular guys of all body shapes, sizes, colors and disabilities.
I understand that my being an Aquarius lends me to be much more idealistic than is realistically possible. And given the nature of this country and our collective past(and please no ' leave the past alone' stuff, people of Jewish descent make SURE no one forgets and our current president wants to keep the past emboldened in our memory to justify our heinous attack on civil liberties). We are all caught up in it whether we like it or not.
Its hard not to get cynical about it all. Its hard for those who experience it first hand not to get angry about it. It is hard for those who empathize to GET IT and then we people of color scream at those who truly want to be our allies for not GETTING IT. WE are all guilty and have fallen short when it comes to dialouge about this issue. But stories told and shared can open eyes, open minds and open possibilities not thought of before. And THAT is the good part of it all.
miablkbehr
sexism runs rampant. i aint no angel. got my pride too. welcome back chris. wheres your pride man. you express your feelings good chris. more to you than that third leg. wake up chris. you are a man. restore your grace.
In smaller cities some bars still discriminate against people of color. These same bars also discriminate against transsexuals & drag queens. Drag queens raise money for AIDS and then get it in the ass when they want to do "camp."
21st century and it still happens. Now there is a lot of prejudice towards those of us with HIV from within our gay community. One bartender in Austin I know is HIV POZ. He told me that if some customers knew about his status they would go to the other side of the bar. He experienced that in a San Antonio bar. Moved to Austin and has been quiet since.
We know you cannot pass HIV onto someone by serving a drink. I am not sure what that is all about.
If one detects anger from someone who expresses their feelinsg on these issues one should try to understand that person's anger.
30 years ago bikers experienced a lot of discrimination. Many were judged as "trailer trash" or "white trash." People sometimes base their bias and prejudice on their own fears.
Mandingo was the name of a movie. Horrible ending.
Preferences are entirely different. Yet our personal preferences also may limit us to achieving our true desires. I think Dingo said that to me.
Funny you should mention this. I suddenly had a flashback to the late 70s/early 80s when I was running around down south in some of the bars and actually witnessed this with my own eyes. As some of you may know, an eternity ago, I worked in the bar industry as a DJ, so it was no big deal to always be out somewhere, on my off nights, or before going into work.
Anyway, I was quite well known and this particular night I was on the door with the doorman, who was a friend of mine and watched endless Caucasian men stream in with no less than a greeting to the both of us.
When men of color started coming up, many of them were asked to show no less than THREE pieces of government issued ID to gain access! I could not believe it.
Later, sitting in on a staff meeting at one of the bars in which I worked -- which had nothing to do with the DJ/Light staff, I listened to the bartenders bitch and gripe about how when men of color came in they didn't tip, drank water, or nursed ONE cocktail all night and I began to see why gaining access to these places was being made deliberately hard for them. In essence, if they weren't making money off one particular segment of the community, so why give them the time of day?
Some years back, I was out west in San Francisco in the Castro and we ended up at Badlands. I never have problems gaining access to any bar whenever I have gone out. Later I heard that the owner of Badlands was involved in a discrimination suit for being guilty of what I just wrote about. I could not believe that some 20+ years later this shit was STILL going on!
I guess some things never change? What can be done to confront these issues? Boycott these places? Hope things change for the better? Let it ride? Comments?
[THIS IS THE REST OF THE ORIGINAL REPLY/POSTING DONE ON THIS OVER IN GROUPS - I AM INCLUDING IT HERE FOR FOLLOW-UP]
….I am too strange for this society (the current American one anyway, be it Gay (please describe queer for me) or Black...
Thank you for asking what seemed to be an innocent question Chris.
Society has two common denominators - we are all human beings first and 2ndly our Creator, that which I personally refer to as my Higher Power, has given us a unique gift - a brain, that has the ability to make choices, to function with logic, create, destroy, love, hate, respond, react, etc. We are all born with what many of us know as the "primal behavior" - as we grow older that "primal behavior" becomes conditioned with "learned behavior" - I suspect that when "God" created Adam & Eve, the purity of humankind was the "primal" - the fruit Eve bit into was the start point of "learned" - the "sin" became the ability to "tempt" the learned to destroy the purity of a divine purpose of destroying paradise, "the garden", the garden being humans, animals, insect, plants, water, air, etc that was all pure when it was created originally.
As gay/queer men we have our common denominators - we like cock and ass and are attracted to members of our same sex. Those of us who grew up in the 60's will remember the word gay didn't mean anything - we were either called faggots or queers - two words commonly used to inflict hatred & hurt. In the 70's "gay" was used to counteract those two words. Those days we all seemed to come together, work together and although there was discrimination within our community it was just simmering on the back burner. Many of the subcultures with the gay community were "rejected" or "subjected" to ridicule or prejudiced from the new mainstream community. Blacks were at the top of the list with drag queens right behind them. In SF & NY acronyms used were "dark, rice, queenie, nelly, red, black, chubby, etc" to separate subcultures and DISCRIMINATE in public gay bars/baths/functions. How many black/oriental/hispanic/latino men do you know of that carry 3 pieces of "official IDs" to prove their age getting in to something? Last I heard was everyone carried a state D/L or ID.
I saw that, lived through it and although I was never discriminated against, except as a BI man (bikers were always welcomed anywhere - I guess we were in popular demand as the welcomed "meat" BUT many BI men to this day will know what I am talking about with this prejudice shit - so will others.
One fateful day back in the 70's in Daly City my biker buds and I had just gassed up and were sitting off to the side at a gas station lot shooting the shit. A guy was gassing his Riviera up at the pump as a pick up truck loaded with CA rednecks pulled up to another pump. One of the rednecks started pumping gas into the truck - I heard him say to the Riviera guy - "what are you looking at queer?"
That day was the first day of my life as a "queer" man. Most gay men might have stood by and nervously not reacted or just as quickly left! I did not. Years of buried baggage, oppression, phobias, and fears were quickly forgotten as I literally beat the shit out of that redneck. I did not even see the poor Riviera guy leave without paying for his gas. The other rednecks in the truck sat there, I am sure they suddenly were frozen with terror at seeing what they thought might have been "strength in numbers" assuming that the bikers standing near would be impressed at their ignorance and hate. I left him there by his truck & gas pump, a bloody pulp.
We left just as quickly as it happened. My buddies always knew I was "queer" and they never used that word prior or after that incident. We always used the word "pinkies" and later "gay" when referring to homosexuals. My buddies never saw Alec and me as "pinkies" or "gay" - they saw us as their brothers and couldn’t care less what we were doing with each other in bed. That night, down in Santa Cruz under the rollercoaster, we burned our bonfire, something we did there now and then, to party. That night, my brothers embraced me closer to their souls around that fire with our Jack and Olympia shooters. I remember quite well that night the comments, "damn Dingo, it ain't worth going to the pen over worthless redneck shit like that - guess that cocksucker won't be calling anyone a queer anymore - he's hurting real good now Dingo - I once rolled pinkies, felt bad about it ever since...never did it again after that... - Dingo don't ever let any trash bring you down like that - Dingo you got to control that hot head of yours..... - you're one of us man!" That night as we rocked we shared our deepest hurts, our buried baggage, how many of us had been hurt in our pasts, how strange other people were and how other people looked at us, misunderstanding us, and labeling us as "outcasts to be feared." Many people today of course have better attitudes about us, as bikers, as queers, as gays, as blacks - as bikers we're still identified as "drugs, violent, sex, rough, boozers, etc" - that image we like to maintain because that image is part of our history and our way of life, that image as a true 1%er, a title modern day wannabes like to tack onto themselves but when it comes down to it, they really don't know what a 1%er is, or for that matter, they would not know the first thing about surviving on the wilderness roads. We have more uses for duct tape and bungee cords that anyone can imagine. We don't need fancy bags and all that "clean chrome" although we do tend to take better care of our horses than ourselves. When we do our Toys for Tots & VET runs, we do that because we were kids who had nothing, very little, maybe abused. We do the VET/Memorial/Trail of Tears runs to honor and respect those who made it possible for everyone's freedom to live Life, not for those who want to destroy life and people because of their skin color or hatred towards others.
Being "queer" and a 1% opposed to being "gay" and a mainstreamer makes me unique in separating myself from those who continue to foster hate, prejudice, social/eco crap, etc. It's NOT to be confused with "preferences" for who I like or who I want to have sex with - I see past color and I accept other people for who they are, not what they are.
People using the words "queer" to provoke hatred & violence are WRONG and should be shot. People flipping that word and using it to instill "pride" & being "unique" are saying something that has many different positive meanings.
People using the word "n****r" provoke hate & violence. Black men using the word 'nigga" are taking THAT other word and flipping it to instill "pride & being unique" in others in a more positive light. Those who say that using the word "nigga" is just as racist and bad don't get what the true spirit really is. The word "n****r" reflects a horrible history of violence, oppression, and hatred - it’s a word that has wounded many people and represents the horror man has done against man. Although I am able to control my anger on rare occasion when I have heard that word from others all one has to do is look into my eyes and they STOP. I do not go to anti Klan rallies anymore because I am unable to control my reactions and have paid for those reactions. I also am smart enough to know that these guys want nothing more than to attract media attention and they enjoy spending public dollars for their protection when they exert their right to "freely rally" - while hiding their faces behinds hooded masks. Look closely and you will see there's always at least 5 or 6 cops per klansman set up as a human barrier to protect these spineless worthless cocksuckers - some of these same men go out in big cities, pick up a black whore or a few others go get their cocks sucked through a glory hole or in a rest area/park - same guys who preach one thing but dip into the other vessel. I know that! My stepfather and my younger brother did that! I was forced as a child to watch what he did to a black man in the Kentucky woods. Those same klansmen who get that protection have more damned rights than I do. So do those two bastards who dragged and killed the black man on the road in Jasper TX a few years back - those two cocksuckers are in protective custody in a Texas prison. Like Jeffrey Dahmer those two will get justice served - Dahmer was also in protective custody and look how justice was finally served. No, killing people like that does not necessarily make it right - you cannot undo harm. What it does is remove people like that permanently from our society. I abhor killing and violence but when it comes to people who kill out of hate, pedophiles and drug dealers (they too destroy Life) - I'll be the first one to either cut their balls off or hang them whether it be judged as "right or wrong." These people out there who keep talking rehab and are against the death penalty probably have never had a child or loved one taken away from them. I have!
People are also being to damned sensitive these days to rappers lyrics, when those lyrics promote hate and violence towards others, yes, that's a problem. When Imus uses the words "nappy haired ho" because he heard it in some rap song and his aging organic brain was thoughtless, he got fired. Hell, someone explain to me how his stupid comments affected "women in college with intelligence" who have a brain to know that he's human. All that crap with "forgiveness" for media attention, and Al Sharpton, who in the past has made racist comments (and he's a homophobe too) still finds his way into the media. Imus has done well for children, women and people of color. He did it quietly, not doing it for "fame" but because he wanted to make a difference for children. Because of Sharpton and Jackson Imus lost some corporate supports for that children’s ranch. Imus is still doing the children's ranch and will be back on the airwaves. The long term damage though was not to Imus, it was to his cause for children and THEY are the ones who were truly affected - not those damned girls playing basketball - they got media attention but that little kid in Harlem got kicked to the curb!
OK Chris, I don't know if that answered your question and yes I know I went off on a rant. That's the dingo in me - call it the dingo rant. The dingo is the biker and spiritual moniker. What I have shared here is Jim; I am Jim, nothing more and nothing less - just a queer man who enjoys Life, one who enjoys the pleasures and the beauty of men, of people and all living things. What matters and is important to me is not what others think about me but how others feel about themselves and Life.
MEMBER miablkbehr’s REPLY BACK TO DINGO WAS…I appreciate your response (and rant) to my question about being 'queer.' Upon reflection of your words, I am definitely "QUEER." It’s funny,…
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